Now taking applications for apostles!

I am now taking applications for apostles... Please email me your resume..

Please include any teaching experience, miracle work(include references), pilgrimages, scribe work (MS word, excel, power point, outlook), etc.

Must attend mandatory meetings and dinners
Must photo/paint well
Must not have allergies to fish, bread or wine
Must have excellent customer service skills
First aid experience
Singing is a plus
Must be able to identify and spell Myrrh
know the languages of the common man (speaking in tongues a plus)
not fearful of holy apparitions
tolerant of abnormal family historys
extravagant story teller/writer
tolerant of stoners
Must have courage
Ability to suffer
Ability of the prophet is always a plus
Must have a open mind
Able to move large stone from front of tomb (important!!!)


only accepting one traitorous application!

also accepting applications for :
three wise persons(pc correct) and
one woman from Magdalene or Las Vegas :)

P.S.
sandals will be provided... But please bring your own nail puller....